Answered

Guess not...

Adieu, internet blogging world. Our relationship was a sometimes strained, often infrequent, but always loved affair.

Good luck and Godspeed.

Really?

So I finally remembered my username and password after multiple wrong answers on the log-in page. Does anyone still check this thing?

Hut!!!!!!

To all who shall see these presents greeting...!

Well I'm getting settled in at The Basic School now. I'm not entire sure where to begin to describe this place. It's a bit like a college atmosphere... but not really. ODT (on deck time- i.e. be dressed and in the passageway ready to go) probably averages between 6-6:30am. Which really isn't that bad- I'm getting to sleep later here than I did during college! So far we've just been having classroom instruction all day- and that's the way it will stay for a while, until we begin field work.
Everyone here is very nice and it's good to finally be around Marines and the Marine Corps. We all tend to think the same and act the same (relative to the rest of the general population, that is...). It's the ultimate peer group! Most things that Marines "get," others would probably just shake their heads. A few examples: anytime an instructor asks the class how we are doing, the perfectly acceptable an usual response it a loud, lively grunt ("errr!"), or perhaps "KILL!!" Or maybe that at anytime during the day, I can usually hear someone calling some form of marching cadence as they march down the passageway by themselves (not actually calling candence on themselves, but in a joking manner). Those two are only the tip of the iceburg. Sometimes I wish I could be videotaping all of this so my family could see what it's like. I think they'd be amused... But then again, telling stories is fun, too. Until next time, YUT*!

*definition: Another typical Marine response. As I type, I realize how futile it is to explain these things. It's just what we do.

Solution.

So. It's obviously been a little while since I posted last and yes, I have been living the whole time. (I always have to start off my posts with a disclaimer that I'm still alive- that can't be good.) But in the interim, I think I finally solved my personal quandary that I mentioned in my previous post. I thought and I thought, pondered and considered; and I now have a satisfactory (for me) answer.
It's nothing fancy...pretty straight-forward actually. And I like it because of that. Occam's Razor (of several possible solutions, the simplest one is preferred) holding, maybe this is the answer, although I won't say that outright.

The reason those people come in and out of our lives is to make us recognize and appreciate those around us who never fade away. Those persons who we think will remain a part of our lives forever and then...don't...serve as something like a background a basis for comparison. A control, in the scientific sense, maybe?
I've struggled as to how to explain this in the most clear fashion possible because I have this perfect mental image in my mind's eye. There's a black background made up of hundreds and hundreds of people, but they are only silhouettes. All around them is white. And standing up front, closer to me and in full color and detail, smiling, are those people who have ALWAYS remained present in my life- Mom, Dad, Kelli, my best friend from New Jersey- David, others, and a few new additions that I hope will stay there. And those silhouettes form the basis of comparison...or maybe the other way around...maybe those important people form the basis of comparison....but I don't think so. Those people that are smiling warmly at me have always been the exception; when others failed to be there for me in the way I imagined they would (the silhouettes), the important folk rose to the occasion and were there for me.
And sometimes people let you down. And then they fade to the background; it's not that you don't associate with them anymore, it's just that they're not on that level anymore. It sucks to have to "do" that, but that's why those who remain in full technicolor are THE most important people in the world to you.
I first realized this when my best friend, Dave, come in to town for my commissioning. And from the moment he first arrived at the airport, we were laughing and joking like we were kids again playing in my backyard. And not only did we laugh, we had serious conversations too...the war, the Marine Corps, etc. And I knew that people like this don't come along very often. And that's why they stand out.
So that's my explanation, and I'm happy with it. Maybe God's sitting back and smiling sympathetically at my creativity, but knows that I'm way off track :) It's ok though. I'll find out the real answer at some point.

Deep Thoughts

I have only recently begun to study religion from an academic perspective but ever since I started, I have really enjoyed talking to the very intellegent people that I have encountered in the religion department and discussing everything religion. FSU being a state university, it cannot teach any theology courses but, nevertheless, debates and discussions still arise (I hope no state officials or anyone from the ACLU are reading this...); all of these have reminded beautifully open-minded and no one ever takes the defense of one particular religion or criticizes a religion's views (I would say religion classes have the most mature and insightful students I have ever met at FSU). I firmly believe that "asking questions" about religion and indeed, one's own religion, is one of the most important steps anyone can take in regards to finding faith. Being introduced to legitimate criticism of the Christian Bible from an unbiased, academic perspective allowed me to ask my own questions and ultimately find MY OWN personal answers.
And for all of these questions, I have found answers that I am comfortable with personally. But an answer for one particular issue that I have debated in my mind for months now still has no real answer to me.
It's about those people with whom you have a very close personal relationship with, e.g. boyfriend/girlfriend or best friend, that you place among your most valued things in life... My question is, why do they end? I'm not talking about the trite, worldly reasons, e.g. argument, breakup, etc. But why, if God loves us so, would He introduce certain people into our lives only to have them disappear? I suppose being the person who gets "dumped" is the best example, although it is not perfect.
One is so incredibly happy and satisfied in a relationship only to have the rug pulled out from underneath him. What purpose does this serve? The best answer that I can come up with is two-part. Firstly, I suppose we are meant to learn something from the experience which, from my relationships, I certainly have. And secondly I think that we are meant to give God room to exercise His will- this person wasn't the "right one." But when we do find that right one, do we value him or her that much more because of failed past relationships?
I love it when things from church sermons make such an impression on you that they never seem to fade. A few months ago my pastor said in a sermon that we are constantly trying to wrestle control of our lives away from God, though usually unknowingly. His advice was to sit back and allow Him to have control again. I guess it's like those cheesy church billboards that say something like "Put God in the driver's seat..."
Between my reasoning and the pastor's, it seems like I would have my answer. But none of this seems to quite satisfy what I am looking for in my answer. I accept it and agree with it, but for some reason it doesn't seem quite complete- like a person cut off in mid-sentence. Since it obviously is sticking in my mind, maybe one day I'll find an answer.

Christmas in March??

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Christmas (along with birthdays, Easter, Valentine's Day, Thanksgiving, New Years, and any other happy occasion you can think of) does exist in March. What could possibly be the reason for said celebration? Other than a mere 35 days left until graduation and commissioning, a present from the Big Brown Santa (UPS) arrived a few days ago. And this is what he brought:

Cool, no? Now only 35 days...

What a motivated and dedicated post this turned out to be.

State of the Mind Address

So I updated my Myspace page, and it sort of got the creative juices flowing. Here's what I wrote in the 'About Me" section:
So I realized that it's been quite some time since I have updated my profile and that it needed a refresher. Since I last created my profile (about a year ago), a lot of things have changed. Some of these things have been rather disappointing, but others have been so incredible that I cannot begin to describe them. But the bottom line is that they all have, through various means, reinforced what I thought to be most important to me: my family, my friends, my faith, the Marine Corps, and Racing/Cars. It's a rather reassuring feeling to know that maybe I have already (at a rather young age) found the things in life that make life so uniquely special to ME. And there are certain things that I would love to have and experience now, but I am super content to wait with the knowledge that I think some pretty awesome and incredible things await me and will all come in due time. Until then, I'm enjoying the ride.

So that's where I stand in a nutshell. I'm not entirely sure where this feeling of total confidence came from- I would hazard a guess that it stems from my strengthened faith in God and His will, and coming off of a Christmas break where I realized (again) what a great family I have. Whatever the case, it couldn't have come at a better time; as my time at FSU draws to a close and the Marine Corps life begins to draw nearer, it has at times seemed like I'm not entirely sure what I'm getting myself into. And yes, the feeling still arises now and again but, as it just occured to me now, when will it not? How could you ever be completely sure of everything that is to come as a result of one of your decisions? As I've learned thus far, NOTHING in life is going to come with any sort of guarantee; in fact, some of the things that you were once so sure of often turn out to be the things that depart farther from your imagined plan than you ever thought possible.
There is this band called Me First and the Gimme Gimmes and, in one of their songs, there is a voice-over which has a conversation between to surfer-bums and one of them says: "We've got a radical future infront of us bro, I'm so stoked". Everytime I hear that I get chills because, informal language aside, that's exactly how I feel.
And in regards to those disappointing things that I mentioned earlier... they've made me what I am right now, and I couldn't be happier with that.